When Someone Comes Out: Supporting and Affirming Our LGBTQ+ Loved Ones

The term “coming out” has become so mainstream that many people assume that the word—and the actions it entails—are simple. However, PFLAG members and supporters know that it can still be a harrowing for individuals and families. This learning session, updated for 2023, has great tips, tools, and ideas for those who want to support people who are LGBTQ+ that are planning to come out, while acknowledging that the experience is different for everyone. It will also provide recommendations for new (and potential) allies who want to demonstrate their support for the LGBTQ folks in their lives.

In this session we’ll:

Review terminology related to coming out, inviting in, and disclosure

Learn to communicate the positive impacts that living authentically and feeling supported and affirmed can have for people who are LGBTQ+

Discuss questions and considerations many people who are LGBTQ+ may want to think about before coming out to family and friends

Discover ways to encourage allies – in schools, workplaces, faith communities, and more – to better demonstrate their allyship to those who have recently come out as LGBTQ+

Whether you are brand new to supporting LGBTQ+ people and their families through the coming out process or you’re looking for a refresher and to build your skills, the session provides action items to make you a more effective advocate.

02:36 - Learning Objectives

05:05 - Coming Out is Not a One-Time Event

05:45 - Understanding Coming Out with an Inclusive Lens

10:28 - Terminology

23:13 - Demographics and Experiences in the LGBTQ+ Community

32:58 - Considerations for People Who Are Coming Out

38:14 - Considerations for Supporting Young People Coming Out

41:35 - What Families and Allies Need to Know

53:27 - Resources

Mackenzie Harte (they/them)

Learning & Inclusion Manager

PFLAG National

Mackenzie Harte is the Learning & Inclusion Manager at PFLAG National, contributing to a team that has trained tens of thousands of allies since Mackenzie started in March of 2021. Prior to their time at PFLAG, Mackenzie worked with the GLAAD Media Institute to train over 12,000 activists and advocates across the globe, as well as managing Bisexual+ Awareness Week (#BiWeek) in 2019 and 2020. Mackenzie currently resides in New York City with their cat Saoirse, and is a (song)writer and staunch devotee of Carly Rae Jepsen in their spare time.

Jamie Henkel (she/her)

Vice President, Learning & Inclusion

PFLAG National

Jamie Henkel is the Vice President, Learning & Inclusion at PFLAG National. She is the program’s lead trainer and oversees the development of new publications and learning sessions for PFLAG National’s Straight for Equality program. Since 2012 she has been the lead architect of PFLAG Academy Online, a monthly webinar program. Jamie lives in Portland, OR with her cat and partner. She enjoys day hiking (but not backpacking) and everything else that the Pacific Northwest has to offer.